Dinosaur Terrorizes Little Kids

•April 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

To the blind man this probably sounds like the opening to another Justin Beiber concert. But no, this isn’t a bunch of 16 year old girls screaming to see their idol walk on stage, but instead a bunch of 6 year old kids running away from a real life dinosaur. Yup that’s right, dinosaurs are NOT extinct. Yeah fucking right. Of course they are extinct you stupid fucking kids! You spend an entire year covering dinosaurs in Kindergarten, it’s the one topic you learn all year and you’re running around from this fake mythical creature like a bunch of Jews who just heard Hitler has risen from the dead. Quit ya fuckin’ screaming, and relax a bit. It’s just a man dressed up in a sick ass suit. Kind of like Santa Claus. Yeah, he’s fake too. I hope some 6 year old is reading this right now and I hope this shitty blog ruined his fucking life. Because that’s what happened to me on my 19th birthday when my older cousin let slip that Santa Claus wasn’t real. It ruined my life.

I’m Gary Oak, bitch

•April 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I wish I could be Gary Motherfucking Oak. It sucked you had to be Ash in the beginning of Pokemon. Ash was a such a little bitch who got pushed around by Gary and as Ash you always had inferior Pokemon. Plus as it says in the song, Gary just pulls in pussy left and right. Wanna know why? Because he’s a douchebag and the douchebag always gets the girl. Take a look at Ash… the only chick he really gets tight with is Misty and he was instantly friend zoned by that hot piece of fire ass because he’s a little bitch. While Gary’s out slamming half the female trainers, Ash just goes home every night and has his pal Pikachu send thunder shocks into his anus all night.

Morning Glory – Oasis

•April 18, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Is this song about being a cokehead or waking up with a happier perspective on life? Or could it be about having an erection upon waking up? The first line makes me think it’s the cokehead option. I’ve never done coke, but I know that using a sharp object like a razor blade to cut lines of cut on a hard surface isn’t that uncommon. However, the music is kind of uplifting and the song lyrics can be interpreted as finally waking up with a happier mentality on life. It’s just another sunny afternoon, walking to the sound of your favorite tune. Also, the Bruins finally woke up tonight. Yeah, didn’t think you’d get away reading one of these song of the days without me relating it to the B’s, did ya? Anyways, it could be about the phenomenon known as ‘Morning Glory’. For all my lady readers out there. Its when a dude wakes up rock hard. And no, he probably wasn’t thinking about you so get over yourself. Would a girl even take that as a compliment?

Interactive Spin The Bottle

•April 18, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I’m probably a little bit behind the times but I never knew you could do this interactive, choose your own ending, RL Stine wanna be shit on youtube. That’s probably the only reason I actually watched and endured this video, because that concept is pretty dope. Sure the acting is awful and this video isn’t funny at all, more annoying than anything, but the idea is pretty cool. I decided not to kiss the dude because I’m not gay and definitely didn’t want to see those two bros going at it. And then after that I chose to use tongue.

Why would I use tongue? I’ll tell you why…. the first time I played one of these silly awesome middle school games I had to kiss this absolute slut. Like she was so far out of my league. We were in 8th grade and I’m pretty sure she banged the entire high school hockey team including the coach and the mascot and the JV goalie. Anyways, it was truth or dare not spin the bottle, but it pretty much turned into straight up kissing dares because all the girls were slutty and all the guys were rocked up on the testosterone from puberty. I get the first shot at the blond puck slut and considered the same thing that this guy had to choose, tongue or no tongue. I decided to go no tongue because I didn’t wanna encroach. I thought it went well until I overheard them in the bathroom talking about me calling me a bitch for not using any tongue. Then I heard them talking about how the nerdy kid with glasses and b.o. was a better kisser than I was and I swore to myself that from now on it was tongue. I don’t care who the fuck I’m kissing, where I’m kissing them or why I’m kissing them, but my tongue is getting shoved down your throat each and every time because of that one event.

Yeah Ya Know – T.I.

•April 17, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So this is a late post, I’ve been recovering from the two home losses against Montreal. Unless you’ve seen the movie this song may be a little low-key as it wasn’t released on an album. Sick jam either way.

Dirty Roller Blading Skills

•April 17, 2011 • Leave a Comment

This reminds me of back in the day when I used to go to the Roller Skating Rink for birthday parties. We were all like 12 years old and there would always be this 40 year old dude just busting out mad moves in the center while a bunch of kids are skating around him. This is that guy. Song fits this video perfectly too.

Black and Yellow – Wiz Khalifa

•April 16, 2011 • 2 Comments

I’ll be honest, I hate this song now. Just way too overplayed. However, it used to get me pumped for every Bruins game and used to be a dirty party song. Perfect fit for Bruins game on a Saturday night. This song will bring me back to my glory days and I’ll get pumped for the B’s game. If they win, I’ll go out and celebrate hard… if they lose I’ll go out and  probably drink even harder. Praying that the Bruins make this a win-win night for me instead of a lose-lose.

Boston Bruins Black and Yellow Remix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btYmZbrFt18

Montreal Canadiens Remix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpixoksvVRc&feature=player_embedded

 
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